I think I've already mentioned my pervading boredom...
It's been a week and a half and nothing
has seemed like more than a distraction to me.
This is what I get for taking a class that turned me into more of a keyboard snob than I already am. (My keyboard always sounded rather mediocre to me-- now that I've heard moderately good ones, and gotten used to playing on them, it just sounds bad
So now I can't turn to playing my keyboard, because it ends with me being more frustrated than before at how bad it is, on top of how bored I am.
I tried to get out a new game earlier-- that is, a game I bought a year or so ago and never got around to playing. Pulled out Gin, my PS2, who has been living in the cabinet under the telly, and tried to go for Final Fantasy XII
, one of the only games that I can play for hours without getting frustrated at some point or another. Decided I didn't want to play that one, because as fun as it is, and as frustrating as it isn't, it's not new. I wanted new.
Pull out Final Fantasy X-2
. I had been waiting to beat Final Fantasy X
before I played X-2
, and I tried to play some of X
, but got bored with that after one encounter. (Doubt I'll be finishing it; Tidus annoys me and it has long since ceased to be challenging or interesting. I'll probably look up the last several cutscenes on-line.)
So out came X-2
, the "new" one. Got in half an hour's worth of play time before having to give up the telly to the 'rents for a Hawaii Five-O
rerun, but it gave me the chance to get used to the controls and everything.
And while I find myself wanting to pick it back up, it's more for distraction than because I found it enjoyable.
I like writing. I always enjoy writing. My writing has been the only thing keeping me from going stark-raving mad
in the past several days.
And, oh, by the way, of the last ten days, I've missed two full nights of sleep, and several have been half-nights or poor sleep. This will make the third full night of no sleep since the new year, and we're ten days into 2012. WTF, brain.
I've also determined that how bored I am seems to relate to my sleeplessness-- notice I did not say insomnia; that's a different problem entirely, which I also have sometimes-- because the less focussed my head is, the more trouble I have making it all shut up. And then I can't sleep, or worse, I just don't get tired.
I've been partially occupying my boredom with Seth's tumblr. (makokitten
's Sherlock. He's pretty brilliant at it.) It contains plenty of Sherlock gifs, which I've stolen, and lots of speculations and discussions and things which I find... distracting, for lack of a better term, and occasionally interesting.
Another thing I've been thinking a lot about-- because really, what haven't I been thinking a lot about?-- is my father's comment when I shared that lulzy quiz result. Or at least, I thought it was lulzy. "High-functioning sociopath."
He then told me, deadpan, that I have sociopathic tendencies. I laughed, which in retrospect, was probably not a very appropriate reaction.
And then I thought about how I led Mark on, basically for a free Sprite. A couple of years ago, acting like that would have horrified me. Now I don't care so much. In conjunction with the "sociopathic tendencies" comment, it kind of makes me wonder.
(And I also wonder if that wasn't his real reason for telling me to go see my counsellor. Because I honestly think he thinks I'm a sociopath-- which really probably shouldn't be funny, but for some reason it tickles me. I'll probably call tomorrow anyway; this lack of sleep thing isn't really healthy.)